Arab Tyrant Manual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Reshuffle the cabinet one more time, just coz you're bored. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Bring up the economy. The kids are destroying the economy. Don't mention how the economy looked before this point. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Say that you have no real power anyway so you don't need to step down. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

When in doubt, insult. "They are X". (X = Dogs, rats, mice, snakes, owls, generic small animals). #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Say that your presence is a safety valve, and if you leave the country will explode in an orgy of sectarian killing. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Ask parents to keep their kids at home. Tell the kids that they shouldn't say no to their parents. It's bad manners. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Insist that all your beeble love you and would die for you. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Explain how force is unfortunate but it's the only thing that will work in this culture. Present yourself as a strongman. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

If it gets out that you have X billion dollars, say that you've been saving up for the people's birthday present. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

In your "Amanpour moment", explain how you are secular and Westernized in a land of tribal savages. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Tell the people that they are your children and you speak to them as a father. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Say that you will not let this foreign agenda pass and you'll fight for (against) your country to the bitter end. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Say that you are a great soldier who never gives up the fight. Book a suite in Jeddah, just in case. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Tell people that if they don't go home, the country will become the next X (X = Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, etc.) #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

When you've had enough of them, attack Aljazeera physically. Shut them down. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Approve a few suck-up silly political parties. Point to this as an example of change. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Shut down the stock market and the banks. Blame it on the protesters. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Choose a scruffy looking opposition figure who has no support among the people. Hold "talks" with him about change. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

When it gets really bad, hire mercenaries and have them shoot at your people. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Blow up a Church and blame it on the Islamists. Say that your rule provides stability and protects minorities. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Let some crazy Islamists out of jail. Tell foreign politicians that if you allow free elections, they will come to power. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Call all your other tyrant buddies and ask them to provide guns & money for you. Tell them if you fall, they're next. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Don't allow funerals. Hold the bodies. Funerals become demonstrations. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

Don't allow Fridays. Big congregations are scary. Shut down mosques. Cite emergency fatwas. #ArabTyrantManual

İyad el-Baghdadi | إياد البغدادي @iyad_elbaghdadi

When all foreign TVs are showing the main square protests, air something inane on your own TV. A drama. Or a comedy show. #ArabTyrantManual